Bluuurg

Mordred needs some exercise. He's getting pudgy. Can dragons even get pudgy? I have no fucking idea what the hell am I doing even

Anyone know anywhere where you can exercise your ludicrous pets? Like, an empty state maybe. Or a deserted tropical island full of goats.

Update!

Yeah, I haven't updated this in forever! This is crazy. Oh well, time for a massive catch up!

I have a job! Whee! I'm a lifeguard at the recreational beaches down south. It's not far to drive, and I get training with it too! Also my boss looks like David Hasslehoff, no kidding. It's uncanny. Having a lot of fun with it, and not had to do much yet. That's a good sign, though!

Erebus placed 9th in the Big Bar Brawl. He got hugs. Lots of. Although I've had to put my foot down. I know he can be revived at the drop of a hat here, but it hurts. A lot. So no more fites for him. At all.

Some didn't make it out. Haven't seen Jaxx come back. Maybe for the best.

Other than that, nothing to miraculous to report. Um, let's see... we dethroned a tyrant, Del fancies a vampire but it is NOT TO BE, um... nothing off the top of my head.

It's been quiet lately. I'm gonna go join Erebus in hurling grenades at piles of junk.

Huh?

I get the feeling that I missed out on something. Like, a fight.

Ah well. Back to trying to insure everything. Seriously, I wish I had, like, an actual education beyond grade school shit. Then maybe I'd know what I was doing. Also? Don't let them figure out you're from the Bar. THEY WILL NOT GO NEAR YOU.

Maybe I should see if David does insurance or something.

You should see me try to do our taxes, it's like a comedy.

Antoinette is dragging me into this nerdy game thing

Seriously is Dungeons and Dragons still a thing?

Oh well, at least we can socialise and there's beer and pizza. Not so much on the former, though. Those AA meetings, well... they open your eyes a bit.

Also apparently we're dragging Del along for the ride, which will be the best thing.

Movie Nights are still good

Holy shit we love the Matrix

SO MUCH

I don't even know what is happening but look at them go

Serious Time

Maybe I'm doing this wrong.

I don't want to be in the public eye. I make a fuss about the media taking pictures of me and my husband. I get angry. I just want to be left alone and have a normal life. I want movie nights and cooking stuff and going to fite club and shopping and all that.

But I have a pet dragon. I got drunk and danced around in the chocolate fountain in my back garden two days ago. My husband flipped our next-door-neighbour's car over - not that he didn't deserve it, but still. And then there's the whole damn thing with Ali and the fite club. I've hired one of my best friends to be my bodyguard, for fuck's sake! That's not normal and quiet at all.

I need to think about what I want, I guess. Do I want to be a big famous billionaire, or do I want to not raise a ruckus and get the nice private life I want? I can't have both, clearly. So, what do I do?

Erebus, if you're reading this, come see me. We need to talk about this.

Pizza Party

Thanks for coming along, you guys! It was awesome, and I've seen more weird people and aliens in that one pizza place than I've seen in my entire life. Hell of an experience, we should go again.

Also, I've been told that various reporters who have been reporting on me and Erebus are coming down with cases of being messed the fuck up. That's kind of creepy, but I guess I appreciate them being kept off my back. And now I have a murder mystery, or a mutilation mystery at any rate.

THE SVILZERIAN DIARIES

ALL WHO READ THEM ARE DEAD BY DAWN

I'll just go sell the movie rights to Hollywood and we're done!

The sling comes off!

And with it comes freedom and hugs. And parties. Nelli invited me to one with some of the girls from Fite Club. So yes, let's do that. Freedooooom!

Maybe Erebus should arrange a night out with the lads at some point too. It'll take his mind off of being my maid. Not that I mind that much ;)

Big thanks!

Now that I'm kind of stuck here and can't do much until I get my sling off and heal up a bit more, it's nice to get visitors. So let me throw out a few thank you's and such.

• Sarah and Celestia, the cookies were amazing. Thanks a bunch. :3
• In that same vein, nice of Widow Maker to drop by on movie night. I think I bust a lung laughing when you started putting the old monster movies on and riffed on them. You made Mougera entertaining!
• Eddie Riggs, you awesome bastard! Pizza rolls were great, music was great, just a good time all round! \m/
• Pech and Antoin for sure. An is a little ray of sunshine nowadays, and watching Pech and Erebus talk is like listening to a bunch of schoolkids. :D You guys keep on trucking!

Back to lazing around!

Freedom

I am finally free of that awful place they claim is a hospital, and back in my cosy house. This mostly means bed rest and not doing a lot because I have one arm in a sling, but it's cool. That'll be off soon. And besides it gives me more reason to lie around and have Erebus wait on me some more, which is always good. Married woman's dream, eh?

I don't really have much to talk about at the moment - still trying to process my failure, I guess. I'm gonna take these here painkillers, and then lie on the couch and stare at the ceiling until tea arrives or another tickle assault happens. I'm in good hands :3

that is how you use that smiley right?

The Best Feeling in the World

Alright, let me describe this for you guys.

It's late in the evening. Like, eleven, maybe midnight. You've got the lights on low, and it's warm in your living room. Cosy. Everything sort of glows, like, a deep red. It's chill, except warm. You've got the fire on. Hell, you have central heating

Sit in that couch. SINK in it, man. It's a nice couch. It's warm too - none of that leather crap making it feel all rubbery. Thank Zephyrus for finding the most epic couch in existance in that junkyard. You could sleep on this. Erebus says it's lumpy, but screw him, he's nine foot tall, of course it'll feel lumpy to him.To you, right now, you could just curl up and fall asleep.

Can't do that, though. On the coffe table are three massive pizzas. One is loaded with like a million different sorts of meat - bacon, ham, chicken, pepperoni, beef, even some sausage I think. Another one is one of those New Yorker ones, where they've replaced the sauce with bbq sauce, and stuffed the crust with it too. And it's got onions and pepperoni and stuff. And the last is one with so much cheese on it you could bungee jump from the strands when you take a bite. That one gets a bit messy, but you don't mind. Oh, and there's something to drink, of course. Alcohol. Why not? Get some cheap lager from somewhere, crack open the 151 for guess who.

And we have a movie. Of course. A really good movie, picked out. No tantrums, no fuss. This is a success. A really good one.

There you are - or, rather, there I am, all warm and cosy, sunk into the couch, eating pizza and drinking booze, and watching Erebus stuff his face, not watching himself as he smears sauce and bits of ground beef around his mouth, looking like a little kid as the both of us watch Johnny Mnemonic.

Bliss.

Doing billionaire things

Erebus, you get the top hats. I'll buy the monocles. Let's get classy.

I added a word thingy to this blog

Because preventing spam is always a good idea.

Movie Night was a success this time

:D

Fite Clubs

Okay bear with me for a second, but I have to tell you about this and it is awesome.

So you know Fite Yer Mates? Imagine that but without the stupid hoohah we had over everyone dying and whatnot. In fact, no dying. And it's way easier to apply and get in and punch someone until they beg for mercy. Okay it costs $50 a month but I'm rich, the amount of fucks I give is pretty close to zero.

Fite Clubs are amazing. You have to check to see if they're Zoofights approved ones, though, because apparently you can get some weird shady back-alley deals and before you know it you're cage-fighting with a giant crab. Or so I heard. Anyway, I didn't fall into that trap and got a very nice half-stretch-lizard dude called Marco, who runs a decent place and doesn't let the Fites get out of hand, unlike SOMEONE I know. :P

So you go in, sit down, have a drink and chat, and then you can get up and beat the snot out of someone. The big rule differences are that you can't kill a dude, and if they tap out, they lose and you have to stop hitting them. There's a few other rules, but the other big one is "no stupid mismatches." So I can't fight Marco because he's way stronger than me, but I've fought a few ex-soldiers and cons and even some bounty hunter dude. My win/loss ratio is almost even - sometimes i have good days, sometimes I have bad. It's not... quite... THERE though. Argh!

This kind of means I come home with bruises and cuts sometimes. Thankfully the neighbours know exactly where they live and don't think I'm beaing beaten or whatever, although I can kind of understand if they did considering the brick shithouse I'm married too. But being beaten up and healing half the time does suck a bit. I'm sore often, and parts of my body are various wonderful colours. But it's worth it, and if I can't patch myself up I have guess who to help me.

I'll talk more about the fite clubs later. Made tons of friends there, though. They're a crazy bunch - I'll tell you more about them when I get around to it. :)

Hangover :(

Gonna do my best buried Zergling impression in our bed for most of today.

If only drinking was consequence free. At least I can get Erebus to wait on me a bit. That's always nice.

Cooking

So I cook now. I guess my warrior ancestors would be ashamed of me but whatever.

It's not hard normally. Erebus likes meat of pretty much any sort, so you just cook something different every day and keep it varied. Sausages, pork, beef, lamb, bacon, chicken, duck, all of it. He's not a vegetarian really, but he eats most anything. That allows me to do other stuff sometimes, like Italian or sometimes a curry.

I'm not really a great cook but I experiment. I learnt quite a few things in the Marine corps, improvising stuff in the field and using fieldcraft. So cooking isn't too hard for me - just remove the stick gathering and catching the actual food. I don't really miss that at all. Sometimes you don't even know if the wildlife you're hunting is edible until you start cutting them up and cooking them. That's what the fieldcraft is there for of course, but sometimes something is poisonous or does something weird. I know I've gotten a range of side-effects from eating funny food, from the shits to lying in bed with a fever. So not worrying about that feels good!

Not everything is a success though, gonna be honest. Things get burned, or I mess up a recepie that I'm testing. It's why I stick to frying things, or putting them in the oven. Doing a Sunday roast is pretty much the most challenging thing I can do. Erebus helps, though! It's weird, having a husband that cooks. He does good breakfasts, so I can't complain.

I like baking as well. Mostly cookies. It's more of a treat though, considering my busy social life and various activities. I am told my cookies are fabulous. Then again, the primary test subject is kind of biased. :P

I'm going to try churros next. Wish me luck.

Erebus needs to stop sneaking up on me...

...to start tickle fights.

Bastard knows all my weak spots.

Dragons

I mentioned I have a dragon as a pet. His name is Mordred. Erebus got him during his bachelor party-come-hunt thing. Apparently, he wrestled it into submission and now he's its master.

My husband is so awesooooome

But there's a problem. It's not feeding or housing him, he's not a very big dragon so we just got some dudes in to make some stables (and then told them not to tell anyone on pain of death and stuff). Well actually it's kind of related to feeding him. It's more like what happens after.

Mucking out a dragon is the WORST THING EVER. It's the single grossest thing I have ever done, and I have crawled down a Nydus tunnel to kill the Zerg coming up the other way. How does a creature prduce that much crap? Also I'm pretty sure he wants a toilet by now, or at least a river. Ugh. The smell sticks to you too. It's pervasive. You wear heavy-duty clothing on top, like all hazmat shit, and you still smell of crap afterwards. It's like cigarettes.

Thankfully the smell washes out. So it's not a total loss. ;)

Some explanations

Okay, so that first post wasn't very good at explaining who I am. So I might as well explain more about me and what I do.

When I tell people I'm a bargoer they kinda look at me funny because last year things blew up and giant robots appeared and stuff. And then they either try and get my autograph and shout at me for killing people apparently. Idiots, I don't kill people. I USED to. That was my job pretty much. And then I kinda stopped, and then I killed a bunch of people who deserved it because they were genocidal assholes who talked like a period drama.

They were prob on their period too.

Anyway now I don't kill people anymore, I live in Manhattan with my husband Erebus who is like a million years old, but he looks forty-something, and he's pretty much THE BEST. Even though last week I had to teach him how to use a lawnmower. I wouldn't let him use his claws. He'd have looked silly. He's easy to feed too which is a blessing, just find out what meat product you haven't cooked this week and make that. He also likes chocolate a lot which is odd for a superior post human or however you spell that but whatever

Life is pretty good at the moment. Going to Fite Clubs, going on weird holidays, doing those activities people normally only do once in a lifetime, that sort of thing. Being in a suburban house in the middle of Manhattan is weird but I'll get used to it.

Also I have a dragon which is very hard to explain to the neighbours

Also Oceanus I'll pay you at the end of the week I promise