It's a boy

<3

Bluuurg

Mordred needs some exercise. He's getting pudgy. Can dragons even get pudgy? I have no fucking idea what the hell am I doing even

Anyone know anywhere where you can exercise your ludicrous pets? Like, an empty state maybe. Or a deserted tropical island full of goats.

Update!

Yeah, I haven't updated this in forever! This is crazy. Oh well, time for a massive catch up!

I have a job! Whee! I'm a lifeguard at the recreational beaches down south. It's not far to drive, and I get training with it too! Also my boss looks like David Hasslehoff, no kidding. It's uncanny. Having a lot of fun with it, and not had to do much yet. That's a good sign, though!

Erebus placed 9th in the Big Bar Brawl. He got hugs. Lots of. Although I've had to put my foot down. I know he can be revived at the drop of a hat here, but it hurts. A lot. So no more fites for him. At all.

Some didn't make it out. Haven't seen Jaxx come back. Maybe for the best.

Other than that, nothing to miraculous to report. Um, let's see... we dethroned a tyrant, Del fancies a vampire but it is NOT TO BE, um... nothing off the top of my head.

It's been quiet lately. I'm gonna go join Erebus in hurling grenades at piles of junk.

SIIIIIINEEEEEEEE

STAY RIGHT THE FUCK WHERE YOU ARE

I HAVE TO DEMONSTRATE A MOVE I LEARNED IN FITE CLUB

IT'S CALLED "BREAK EVERY BONE IN A  PERSON'S BODY"

So I decided to spend a day with Erebus and Pech murdering Zerg

Goddamn do they love their grenades. Good thing I was on hand to remind them of one or two points about Zerg anatomy.

Like how, if you rip off a talon, it makes a good knife for stabbing MORE Zerg with.

Wheee!

Huh?

I get the feeling that I missed out on something. Like, a fight.

Ah well. Back to trying to insure everything. Seriously, I wish I had, like, an actual education beyond grade school shit. Then maybe I'd know what I was doing. Also? Don't let them figure out you're from the Bar. THEY WILL NOT GO NEAR YOU.

Maybe I should see if David does insurance or something.

You should see me try to do our taxes, it's like a comedy.

Life without Psionics

So I lost my psionic powers. The Zerg must have taken them or something.

Shit, it's been a while since I wrote anything for this blog. I guess I better bring you up to speed. Zoofights started, things were awesome and we met lots of new people, and then the Zerg showed up, kidnapped me and tried to turn me into one of them.

Yeah. Fun times.

And they took my powers. Admittedly, I only had them for a year, but it felt awful all the same. They took a part of me. They went in my head and messed me up, and that fucking sucks Protoss dong. And I used it sometimes too - when I had to feed Mordred, I could sort of talk to him, although his thoughts aren't exactly Stephen Hawking. And I could tell Erebus exactly how I felt, like if we had an argument or if we were chilling out together, or if we were having a moment.

I miss being able to do that.

He's been supportive. He's never not been supportive. But he's been a goddam pillar of cast iron lately. He rescued me, he helped me recover after, he was there for all of last year, he was there when Ali beat the shit out of me, and now here he is again.

And we're watching Toy Story. He likes it.

I can find a better way of showing him how I feel.

<3

Zoofights is amazing!

It's great! Met up with all my old friends, and some new ones too. Bar's still the same old deal, Gezora's still huge (well at the time of writing he's occupied, but my point stands), and the fights are as awesome as ever.

Del's made a new friend too, hee hee.

We've got some problems, though. But it's nothing we can't sort out! We'll figure a way to sort it out. Trust me.

Right, let me see if I want to cook or just order a take out.

[meta post!]

[okay so this isn't actually a blogesy post, this is a quick shout out.]

[I'm aware that one or two new people have been posting IC on this blog, and that these people have tried to register for the Zoofights forums. Unfortunately there's been an influx of spambots recently and the mods are having trouble picking out real users amongst the tirade of squawking offers of viagra, so I need to do them a favour.]

[PLEASE LEAVE YOUR ZF USERNAME IN THE COMMENTS BELOW. THIS WILL HELP US PICK OUT THE REAL PEOPLE AMONGST THE ROBOTS AND GET YOU REGISTERED.]

[thanks for listening!]

Looks like Superman is back!

Seriously, Erebus has just been jetting around all day trying out his new jump pack. The noise is unreal. And so is the air he's getting.

I'd like to join him, but I kind of swore off silly behaviour. Also, Reaper jump packs only get handed to the criminally insane, so there's that problem. And I don't think I'd be any good at flying with one at any rate.

Look at him go, he's like a child all over again :3

Antoinette is dragging me into this nerdy game thing

Seriously is Dungeons and Dragons still a thing?

Oh well, at least we can socialise and there's beer and pizza. Not so much on the former, though. Those AA meetings, well... they open your eyes a bit.

Also apparently we're dragging Del along for the ride, which will be the best thing.

Movie Nights are still good

Holy shit we love the Matrix

SO MUCH

I don't even know what is happening but look at them go

I'm back home!

:D

Nelli is the best fucking cook holy shit

I have just eaten the best goddamn

I'm not even sure what I ate

But I'll bet you five hundred you won;t get this shit at Taco Gong or whatever that place is called

Goddaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn

A message to everyone

Okay, this is gonna be a really big post, so here goes.

First, I've gotta apologise to everyone. The party was a bad idea in the first place. And yes, technically I know it wasn't me who wrecked the place and all that, but it was my fault for deciding to have a party with way too much alcohol. Especially with people like Pech and David and Doomrider and all that. So, I'm sorry. I'll be more careful with stuff next time. And I'm really sorry for all the newcomers who turned up. We're not normally like this, I promise.

I'm writing this from my PDA in Nelli's house. I've decided to just... crash there for a bit. Get away from everything for a while. And no, I didn't just bugger off and leave Erebus in the middle of a destroyed house. That would be awful. I stayed there and helped clean up the mess and fix what I could, but everything was just too much. So I'm here in Nelli's apartment, which is kind of cosy and something that smells good is cooking right now so it's a decent getaway.

I kind of scared her to death! I turned up with my suitcase all unnanounced and asked if I could stay for a bit because things had gotten out of hand, and she sat me down and made a cup of coffee and she talked to me about it. I joked about her talking all the time, but it turns out she's a really good listener too. She says her girlfriend has moods like that too so she knows how to deal with moody people. She asked if Erebus had done something but I told her straight away he never would, and I'm not sure if she's convinced but it's true. It's nothing to do with him.

I'm not sure how long I'll be here for. Until I get my shit together, I guess. I've stopped buying any alcohol for myself, and when I go out I try to keep it to two or three drinks, but I don't go out as much because I just don't feel like it. I don't trust myself anymore.

Erebus, I'm sorry. I've been an awful wife. I've just done whatever I wanted and gotten drunk and done stupid things  and cried about it like a little girl, and I never once asked about how you felt or what you wanted to do and all I do is make problems for other people and

I'm sorry

I still love you

i'm gonna finish here

Ultra Mega Party Time

Okay, fellow bargoers! As an offical celebration of my new "fuck the police" status, I'm gonna have a huge-ass party at my house. There will be food of all kinds, but you're welcome to bring your own stuff like we did when we watched the Pangolins vs Armour Dio fight. There will be booze. There will be chocolate. So much chocolate. There will be music and dancing. It will be the best thing ever, and you're all invited! Yes, even you new people who've posted in the comments and want to see what the Bar is like! We won't bite, trust me.

A few rules though! No going upstairs unless you need the crapper. We deserve SOME privacy, after all! Also, no drugs. Yes, we know that we treat illegal susbtances about as seriously as a cartwheeling chicken here, but I'd rather not have to clean up after you people. If you gotta smoke, do it outside. And finally, no funny business! That's for me and 'Bus only.

It'll be in a day or two. I'll post here when the doors are opened and you guys can come in and get your party on. Rock on! \m/

decisions!

so me and erebus talked it out, and wte decided about our future and stuff.

and basically fuck the police.

so who glives oa shit? i'bm a billionaire! what the fuck are you gonna do, sue me? i can call up a god to get me offf the hook! i have everything and everyone else has jack shit and they can go suck it if gthey hate mie for it.

so we broke out the champagne, and now i am inec and tipsy and erebus looks like he nepeds a hug. ;)

l8r

Serious Time

Maybe I'm doing this wrong.

I don't want to be in the public eye. I make a fuss about the media taking pictures of me and my husband. I get angry. I just want to be left alone and have a normal life. I want movie nights and cooking stuff and going to fite club and shopping and all that.

But I have a pet dragon. I got drunk and danced around in the chocolate fountain in my back garden two days ago. My husband flipped our next-door-neighbour's car over - not that he didn't deserve it, but still. And then there's the whole damn thing with Ali and the fite club. I've hired one of my best friends to be my bodyguard, for fuck's sake! That's not normal and quiet at all.

I need to think about what I want, I guess. Do I want to be a big famous billionaire, or do I want to not raise a ruckus and get the nice private life I want? I can't have both, clearly. So, what do I do?

Erebus, if you're reading this, come see me. We need to talk about this.

I am never going to drink again

ever

i hope they at least got my good side

wheeeeeeeeee

izm onn tv

man ki look hot lno wondder i got all the lboys fin fmy yaryd

Pizza Party

Thanks for coming along, you guys! It was awesome, and I've seen more weird people and aliens in that one pizza place than I've seen in my entire life. Hell of an experience, we should go again.

Also, I've been told that various reporters who have been reporting on me and Erebus are coming down with cases of being messed the fuck up. That's kind of creepy, but I guess I appreciate them being kept off my back. And now I have a murder mystery, or a mutilation mystery at any rate.

THE SVILZERIAN DIARIES

ALL WHO READ THEM ARE DEAD BY DAWN

I'll just go sell the movie rights to Hollywood and we're done!

tvileesion fuckiqng sucks

i mwean wits like

hwvat iys tahere evein on

conksuck teldevision wvho eevn writes this

pr
ass!
oott? lueast the gilbert gottfhried show is funny semoimgtes

Well that was fun

Much dancing, drinking and good times were had. On the minus side, both me and my husband have hangovers the size of Texas. We're both useless! And I have no idea where this feather boa came from.

Oh well, staying in bed most of the day with Erebus isn't such a bad thing. :3

The sling comes off!

And with it comes freedom and hugs. And parties. Nelli invited me to one with some of the girls from Fite Club. So yes, let's do that. Freedooooom!

Maybe Erebus should arrange a night out with the lads at some point too. It'll take his mind off of being my maid. Not that I mind that much ;)

Big thanks!

Now that I'm kind of stuck here and can't do much until I get my sling off and heal up a bit more, it's nice to get visitors. So let me throw out a few thank you's and such.

• Sarah and Celestia, the cookies were amazing. Thanks a bunch. :3
• In that same vein, nice of Widow Maker to drop by on movie night. I think I bust a lung laughing when you started putting the old monster movies on and riffed on them. You made Mougera entertaining!
• Eddie Riggs, you awesome bastard! Pizza rolls were great, music was great, just a good time all round! \m/
• Pech and Antoin for sure. An is a little ray of sunshine nowadays, and watching Pech and Erebus talk is like listening to a bunch of schoolkids. :D You guys keep on trucking!

Back to lazing around!

Hell yeah bitches

First off, Widow, here's that footage you wanted. And yes I kept that horn. I use it as a conversation piece.

So most of my time so far has been slobbing around, not wearing a lot, eating greasy food and trying to cope with this arm sling. It makes hugs harder, but Erebus deserves them and everything else I'm giving him so I'm damn well giving him them. I'd be all sappy and "my heeeerooooo" but truth be told I think I'd have found another way to beat Ali at some point. Maybe grill him.

We've been having a lot of hamburgers recently. Oh the irony. Erebus assures me he's not cut Ali up into hamburger meat. He says it'd probably be poisonous. He has a point.

Pech gave us a painting in celebration of our victory. I didn't know he was into art, but turns out he's pretty damn good. Watching his oil-on-canvas self rip up a Tyranid is oddly inspiring, but I think it's gonna go somewhere where visitors won't see it. Maybe the upstairs landing? Also the eyes kinda follow you around the room which is weird.

Guess who won?

Clue - not the braindead thug minotaur.

Erebus looks a mess, but fuck yeah he won and that is what matters. He is getting HUGS tonight.

That son of a bitch

Ali just called Erebus out on national tv.

Fuck

FUCK

I'd punch this wall if I wouldn't break my hand doing it. That ASSHOLE. Ugh.

Freedom

I am finally free of that awful place they claim is a hospital, and back in my cosy house. This mostly means bed rest and not doing a lot because I have one arm in a sling, but it's cool. That'll be off soon. And besides it gives me more reason to lie around and have Erebus wait on me some more, which is always good. Married woman's dream, eh?

I don't really have much to talk about at the moment - still trying to process my failure, I guess. I'm gonna take these here painkillers, and then lie on the couch and stare at the ceiling until tea arrives or another tickle assault happens. I'm in good hands :3

that is how you use that smiley right?

a joke

so i was baking some pies a few days ago

and i said aw shit pie, are you done

and it said yeah, take me out i'm so baked

and i said so am i

aw yeeeeeee

haha

in hospital

my evertyihng hrust

bitches dont knwo buoy my pda tho

haha

:(

Oh shit

Turns out Ali wants to Fite me.

Shit shit fuck shit fuck

Shit

An Open Message to Sine Cosine

I hate you.

Ha, didn't fucking see that coming, did you? Wait, no, of course you did. I woudnl't be surprised if you didn't, though, because you can't see beyond yourself at all.

Zeff told me everything. How you used him as bait, how you almost let him die to a monster, how you stole my weapons, and then how you ran away again, ran away from your responsibilities and the people who made the mistake of wanting to be friends with you. Congrats on using him as your errand boy, by the way. It's a step up from physical abuse, right?

You fucking COWARD. At least the Lord didn't pretend he wasn't using people. You're a manipulative cowardly bitch. You are EXACTLY the kind of monster Del and I were fighting for the better part of ten years. You think everything belongs to you and you take whatever you want, you treat people like tools and drop them when you don't need them anymore, and you think you're right ALL THE GODDAMN TIME. You think you have the RIGHT to treat people like nothing and take what you want. The only difference is that you have NOTHING that belongs to you. No money, no home, no real friends. And when anyone tells you anything you don't want to hear, you start whining about your past and how you're so tormented and blah blah blah, as if that's an excuse for anything, and then you run.

Well keep fucking running, Sine. Run far, far away, because I've been taught to fight monsters like you, people who control others for their own gain and treat them like objects to be used. That was my whole life. And ho boy, have I got some experience in that.

So run like fuck, Sine, because if you come back, I'm going to make you wish you'd never come here in the first place.

Actually, I have a better feeling than that previous one

Waking up on the couch, seeing pizza boxes and empty booze bottles everywhere, and knowing it was a good movie night.

Erebus makes the best pillow.

The Best Feeling in the World

Alright, let me describe this for you guys.

It's late in the evening. Like, eleven, maybe midnight. You've got the lights on low, and it's warm in your living room. Cosy. Everything sort of glows, like, a deep red. It's chill, except warm. You've got the fire on. Hell, you have central heating

Sit in that couch. SINK in it, man. It's a nice couch. It's warm too - none of that leather crap making it feel all rubbery. Thank Zephyrus for finding the most epic couch in existance in that junkyard. You could sleep on this. Erebus says it's lumpy, but screw him, he's nine foot tall, of course it'll feel lumpy to him.To you, right now, you could just curl up and fall asleep.

Can't do that, though. On the coffe table are three massive pizzas. One is loaded with like a million different sorts of meat - bacon, ham, chicken, pepperoni, beef, even some sausage I think. Another one is one of those New Yorker ones, where they've replaced the sauce with bbq sauce, and stuffed the crust with it too. And it's got onions and pepperoni and stuff. And the last is one with so much cheese on it you could bungee jump from the strands when you take a bite. That one gets a bit messy, but you don't mind. Oh, and there's something to drink, of course. Alcohol. Why not? Get some cheap lager from somewhere, crack open the 151 for guess who.

And we have a movie. Of course. A really good movie, picked out. No tantrums, no fuss. This is a success. A really good one.

There you are - or, rather, there I am, all warm and cosy, sunk into the couch, eating pizza and drinking booze, and watching Erebus stuff his face, not watching himself as he smears sauce and bits of ground beef around his mouth, looking like a little kid as the both of us watch Johnny Mnemonic.

Bliss.

Doing billionaire things

Erebus, you get the top hats. I'll buy the monocles. Let's get classy.

Goddamnit, Sine

Here I am, lying in bed, recovering from my latest hangover, when what other sound should I hear than that goddamn VROP noise.

So I shout hello. Of course I goddamn do. I haven't seen her since Christmas! She's not even bothered to keep in touch at all - no messages, no email, not even a comment on my blog. It's like she vanished into thin air after we left. I almost got used to the lack of crazy dimension-hopping shit.

But she doesn't respond, oh no. Not a goddamn word. Just vrops off again, with my flamethrower.

I hope you're reading this, Sine. You fuck off for the better part of three months, you don't keep in touch, you don't even give us a HINT that you might be okay, and then you just come in and take my shit like you're fucking entitled to it. Not even asking, you just take it. You don't even say "hi."

Once this crippling migraine goes away and I'm able to stand without the world doing acrobatics, I'm kicking your ass.

so ik'm ddrunk aafign!

si love being ua xbillaorniie and nont having a job and beiang able tfo spemnd mqy massive amounts ovf money on whpvateer ei want

apnd ai have the hottmest husnabd

sweaar fto gord, somectimes you, klise, licmk yfour finrge anpd press it against him s

and it gokes

it goes

tssslssss

maeyb yhe has a fejver

I added a word thingy to this blog

Because preventing spam is always a good idea.

My bank account suddenly has hundreds of billions of dollars in it

David, whatever the hell it is you're doing, fucking stop that. Someone's going to get suspicious and then we'll get people in suits asking questions. And yes I know it's you, there's only one other person in the Bar with no sense of personal space, privacy and common sense along with a shitload of "I do whatever."

At least we can afford to feed Mordred for like another ten years though.

Fite Club Friends

I've made a bunch of friends at Fite Club. Why not? Got to get out and about. Staying indoors all the time makes people think you're crazy. Like Miss Havisham.

Yeah, I read that book. In school. Don't remember anything else.

Anyway, let's talk about them! Starting with Marco, the guy who runs the club. He used to be a surgeoneer who worked on stretch lizards. You can tell how that went. He's a nice guy, but a bit crabby sometimes. Likes a joke, takes the piss a lot and comes across as a bit of a prick, but he's good deep down. The one thing he doesn't like is people not paying the fees on time. He's got a thing about punctuality. Dunno if that's the stretch lizard in him or not.

There's also this... guy... called Ali. I think he's a minotaur. Or something. This... sort-of... cow... person. He's got brown leathery skin and he's like ten foot tall. He doesn't talk to anyone, and he doesn't fight anyone.

He just bench-presses busted cars in the parking lot.

I don't know why he's here.

But enough about him he's weird and creepy. Let's talk about the cool dudes. Like Nelli. With an i. She wants to be a luchador! That's AWESOME! She followed Luchadillo last tourney and decided to take it up, so she comes to the Fites to practice. She's really chatty too - sometimes I spend half my time at the club just jawing away with her. She's a decent fite too - not got everything down right, but when she clinches it I get steamrolled. Still learning!

Then there's a bunch of weird gimmicky fighters who dropped out of the wrestling rings. Like Armstrong. Armstrong's a nice dude. Arms the size of minivans, so he has to walk like a gorilla. But he's not dumb muscle. He likes poetry, for one thing, although I've never understood why Lord Bryon is important in any way whatsoever. But he's a quiet dude and he fights the other gimmicky dudes well. Never beaten Ali, though. Someone ought to.

Some of the gimmicky fighters are normal people with... weird ideas. Rocksteady (his real name is Eustace, don't tell anyone :P) thought making gloves, boots and knee and elbow pads out of stones was a good idea. Suffice to say, he doesn't use them anymore, but he's got optimism if nothing else. Then there's this poor girl who fights in this really skimpy leotard. I don't know what her deal is. She keeps getting her ass kicked, but comes back for more. Happy to oblige, I guess.

Then there's a bunch of normies there too, like Anthony and Marissa and Stu and others. They're normal people, I guess. Stu is a construction worker working on something for the next tourney. He keeps dangling that over our heads. Spoilers, my ass. Anthony is an ex-soldier, pretty tough for an old guy. Marissa just wanted somewhere where her husband won't yell at her.

Suffice to say, after I heard about that, she wasn't married anymore. Wonder where he ended up.

We're a pretty happy bunch. Come on down if you can, they're pretty accepting of all sorts. I'm sure Armstrong would be a decent fight for most of you. We've got something for everyone!

Movie Night was a success this time

:D

Erebus, Movie Night is not cancelled

But we're not watching sci-fi anymore because you just start yelling about aliens and murder. We're gonna watch some comedies instead. I'm starting with Groundhog Day.

If you can get through this one without kicking up a stink, there's a prize at the end.

Fite Clubs

Okay bear with me for a second, but I have to tell you about this and it is awesome.

So you know Fite Yer Mates? Imagine that but without the stupid hoohah we had over everyone dying and whatnot. In fact, no dying. And it's way easier to apply and get in and punch someone until they beg for mercy. Okay it costs $50 a month but I'm rich, the amount of fucks I give is pretty close to zero.

Fite Clubs are amazing. You have to check to see if they're Zoofights approved ones, though, because apparently you can get some weird shady back-alley deals and before you know it you're cage-fighting with a giant crab. Or so I heard. Anyway, I didn't fall into that trap and got a very nice half-stretch-lizard dude called Marco, who runs a decent place and doesn't let the Fites get out of hand, unlike SOMEONE I know. :P

So you go in, sit down, have a drink and chat, and then you can get up and beat the snot out of someone. The big rule differences are that you can't kill a dude, and if they tap out, they lose and you have to stop hitting them. There's a few other rules, but the other big one is "no stupid mismatches." So I can't fight Marco because he's way stronger than me, but I've fought a few ex-soldiers and cons and even some bounty hunter dude. My win/loss ratio is almost even - sometimes i have good days, sometimes I have bad. It's not... quite... THERE though. Argh!

This kind of means I come home with bruises and cuts sometimes. Thankfully the neighbours know exactly where they live and don't think I'm beaing beaten or whatever, although I can kind of understand if they did considering the brick shithouse I'm married too. But being beaten up and healing half the time does suck a bit. I'm sore often, and parts of my body are various wonderful colours. But it's worth it, and if I can't patch myself up I have guess who to help me.

I'll talk more about the fite clubs later. Made tons of friends there, though. They're a crazy bunch - I'll tell you more about them when I get around to it. :)

Erebus has ruined Star Wars for me

I'm starting to reconsider having movie nights with Erebus. It was fun watching things and having him try and puzzle out why things were happening, but now I'm not so sure.

This came about from watching Return of the Jedi. He doesn't like Star Wars anyway because the Force reminds him of psyker powers and he reckons he could defeat the Empire single-handedly and wah wah wah I'm a big blue baby, but I managed to sit him down and make him watch the whole thing this time. All the way to the end with the big party with the fuzzy bear things and everyone being awesome.

And then he sees one of the bears playing drums with the stormtrooper helmets, and he starts making a big fuss about the devlish zeenose or however you spell it. So I ask him about it.

So the little bears eat people, yeah? I mean, they were totally gonna eat our heroes just for being there, and nothing would get them to stop until Luke decided to use his mind powers to trick them. So what's stopping them from eating the stormtroopers after the battle? They don't take prisoners, it's a thing the clearly do often to trespassers and it's not like it's easy to convince them otherwise. Plus you don;t see any prisoners of war after the battle - just the dancing people on Endor and the helmets.

So yeah, those dudes totally ate some people.

Goddamn it Erebus, how fucked up is your world that not only do you suspect every alien of shady shit, but you're right as well? Now I can't watch Star Wars ever again. :(

Hangover :(

Gonna do my best buried Zergling impression in our bed for most of today.

If only drinking was consequence free. At least I can get Erebus to wait on me a bit. That's always nice.

vi dam so dqrunk right now

but i idon't give a shit, because ni'm wa billlionaire and i ihave vso much moneyber

eus come give me a hug <r3

Cooking

So I cook now. I guess my warrior ancestors would be ashamed of me but whatever.

It's not hard normally. Erebus likes meat of pretty much any sort, so you just cook something different every day and keep it varied. Sausages, pork, beef, lamb, bacon, chicken, duck, all of it. He's not a vegetarian really, but he eats most anything. That allows me to do other stuff sometimes, like Italian or sometimes a curry.

I'm not really a great cook but I experiment. I learnt quite a few things in the Marine corps, improvising stuff in the field and using fieldcraft. So cooking isn't too hard for me - just remove the stick gathering and catching the actual food. I don't really miss that at all. Sometimes you don't even know if the wildlife you're hunting is edible until you start cutting them up and cooking them. That's what the fieldcraft is there for of course, but sometimes something is poisonous or does something weird. I know I've gotten a range of side-effects from eating funny food, from the shits to lying in bed with a fever. So not worrying about that feels good!

Not everything is a success though, gonna be honest. Things get burned, or I mess up a recepie that I'm testing. It's why I stick to frying things, or putting them in the oven. Doing a Sunday roast is pretty much the most challenging thing I can do. Erebus helps, though! It's weird, having a husband that cooks. He does good breakfasts, so I can't complain.

I like baking as well. Mostly cookies. It's more of a treat though, considering my busy social life and various activities. I am told my cookies are fabulous. Then again, the primary test subject is kind of biased. :P

I'm going to try churros next. Wish me luck.

Erebus needs to stop sneaking up on me...

...to start tickle fights.

Bastard knows all my weak spots.

Dragons

I mentioned I have a dragon as a pet. His name is Mordred. Erebus got him during his bachelor party-come-hunt thing. Apparently, he wrestled it into submission and now he's its master.

My husband is so awesooooome

But there's a problem. It's not feeding or housing him, he's not a very big dragon so we just got some dudes in to make some stables (and then told them not to tell anyone on pain of death and stuff). Well actually it's kind of related to feeding him. It's more like what happens after.

Mucking out a dragon is the WORST THING EVER. It's the single grossest thing I have ever done, and I have crawled down a Nydus tunnel to kill the Zerg coming up the other way. How does a creature prduce that much crap? Also I'm pretty sure he wants a toilet by now, or at least a river. Ugh. The smell sticks to you too. It's pervasive. You wear heavy-duty clothing on top, like all hazmat shit, and you still smell of crap afterwards. It's like cigarettes.

Thankfully the smell washes out. So it's not a total loss. ;)

Some explanations

Okay, so that first post wasn't very good at explaining who I am. So I might as well explain more about me and what I do.

When I tell people I'm a bargoer they kinda look at me funny because last year things blew up and giant robots appeared and stuff. And then they either try and get my autograph and shout at me for killing people apparently. Idiots, I don't kill people. I USED to. That was my job pretty much. And then I kinda stopped, and then I killed a bunch of people who deserved it because they were genocidal assholes who talked like a period drama.

They were prob on their period too.

Anyway now I don't kill people anymore, I live in Manhattan with my husband Erebus who is like a million years old, but he looks forty-something, and he's pretty much THE BEST. Even though last week I had to teach him how to use a lawnmower. I wouldn't let him use his claws. He'd have looked silly. He's easy to feed too which is a blessing, just find out what meat product you haven't cooked this week and make that. He also likes chocolate a lot which is odd for a superior post human or however you spell that but whatever

Life is pretty good at the moment. Going to Fite Clubs, going on weird holidays, doing those activities people normally only do once in a lifetime, that sort of thing. Being in a suburban house in the middle of Manhattan is weird but I'll get used to it.

Also I have a dragon which is very hard to explain to the neighbours

Also Oceanus I'll pay you at the end of the week I promise

So I made a blog!

Oh god, I don;t know how any of this works. I'm not even that good at typing. Or writing actually. I mean I learned, but my handwriting is horrible and

Jesus I'm babbling.

Hi, I'm Amanda! If you stumbled on this by accident, I'm a thrity-something who likes fighting, food and setting things on fire. If you're one of the... ten or so people who know me already, hi guys. At least you're not "fans" or something.

Fucking paparazzi.

So yeah, stay tuned I guess.